Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
