He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
