let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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