i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
