Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
