Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
