next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
