I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
