i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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