is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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