You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
