Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Text me some of your sweat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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