I must be too annoying 4 u.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
