just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
