All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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