Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
