I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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