well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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