hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
