She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
