Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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