I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
