do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
