i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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