Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
