I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
