she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
