capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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