I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
