Who did Billy Mays play for?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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