those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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