I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
