I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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