I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry about my life...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
