dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
