I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
