Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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