Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
