I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
