The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
