I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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