i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
