I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just gift wrapped bread.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
