On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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