Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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