peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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