mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
