Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
