so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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