So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
