Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
