Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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