it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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