can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
