I love black thongs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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