So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
