There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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