I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
