i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
