Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
sex in a hospital.. check
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
